ETIQUETTE

Protocol: a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette.

BDSM Protocol: a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette in BDSM situations

The Universal Protocol

A Dom should never approach a collared sub without permission from the owner of that sub.

General Party Etiquette
- Arrive on time
- Bring munches and drinks (if appropriate)
- Arrive in appropriate attire
- Clean up after yourself
- Participate

Play Party Etiquette
- No drugs
- Must be of legal age
- Smoke in designated areas
- Know the party safeword
- The host(ess) is the understood
dungeon master (DM)
- Keep quiet in the play areas
- Do not interfere with a scene

* Even though someone else walked up and began "helping in the scene, don’t assume you can too
* Don’t interrupt. If you don’t like what’s happening – leave. If you are concerned for the safety of the sub, get the host(ess). If you think the problem is LIFE-THREATENING, then you may interfere, but be sure. The exception to the rule is if you hear a sub call THE safeword and the top ignores it.
* Do not talk to the Top or the bottom during their scene. This includes the negotiation phase and the "cool down" time AFTER the scene.

- Don’t touch or take other peoples
toys (human or otherwise) without
permission

- Pay attention to play space.
Don’t start a scene too close to
another. If you are playing in
tight quarters, use toys that will
not infringe on others space

- Parties are private. No cameras.
No camcorders. No talking
about the party before or after to
anyone not invited.

Submissive/bottom/slave Play Party Protocol

What do I wear? Ask the host(ess) the general accepted dress for the party. Usually black anything will work. If you want to play, make sure you are wearing something you can play in. Being clothed top to bottom in heavy shirts and thick jeans is very discouraging and tiring for the Top. Also, find out the rules for total nudity. You may not be able to "bare all". Bring a pair of panties/underwear in case. Most of all though - be comfortable. If you are not comfortable, you won’t be able to enjoy the party.

Forms of Address: Normally subs will address a "top" as Sir/Ma’am unless told otherwise. This is sometimes not obvious. A sub may always approach the host(ess) and ask what forms of address should be used for a particular person. Or, a sub could ask another sub what form of address to use. It’s also "OK" to go up to a person, and politely ask what form of address they would prefer.

Who CAN I talk to? A sub can talk to other subs, unless it is obvious the other sub is not able to (sub is gagged, sub has head down and eyes to the floor, or other obvious body language that says the sub is not available). Generally, at play parties you may approach and ask permission to speak to a Top. Be polite and courteous and don’t take offense if someone can’t talk right then.

How can I play? A sub may go to the host(ess) and request to play with a particular person. The host(ess) generally knows who does/and doesn’t "play around". It’s also acceptable to go to another sub and ask if their Top might want to play. Once again, it’s "OK" to go directly to the Top you are interested in and ask if they would like to play.

Negotiate: When playing with Tops you don’t know well, negotiate. If the top just wants to begin the scene, don’t be afraid to request a quick negotiation first. This protects you, the top, and the host(ess) from a bad scene.

During the scene: Give your Top feedback. An experienced Top can tell a lot by the way you move and the sounds you make. Don’t be afraid to move and make noise. If you need to, use your safewords. Respond and enjoy!

After the scene ends: Show the Top you appreciate what they did for you. How? There are many ways and it depends on what you are comfortable with. A few of them, not at all inclusive: kneel down and kiss the tops left boot, give them a hug, offer to get them refreshments, help pick up the toys, and it’s always safe to ask the Top how you may show your appreciation. If they ask for something you are not comfortable with, then tell them and offer them a few choices.

What else? Help the host(ess) keep the party space clean. You don’t have to spend a lot of time doing this, but a little help is always appreciated.

Dominant/Top/Master/Mistress Play Party Protocol

What do I wear? Being Dominant, you can wear what you want. However, you can always check with the host(ess) and find out the attire for the party. Black is good. Leather, black jeans, black t-shirts and shirts, and boots are standard.

Forms of address: Dominants generally call other Doms by their name or nickname. When address subs, generally names or nicknames are the norm. Of course, this is after obtaining permission to speak to them from their "Top" if they are collared.

Who CAN I talk to? Again, almost anyone. Just use common sense. Addressing an unattached sub is "OK". Be sensitive to the subs body language and comfort zone and don’t overwhelm them. It’s a good idea to check with the host(ess) about an unattached sub you are interested in to prevent awkwardness.

How can I play? As the Top, the safest way to play would be to approach the host(ess) and ask if there are any subs at the party that might want to play. If you are at the party with a sub, you can send them to check out another sub. It’s also "OK" to ask another Top if you can play with their sub. The main thing here is respect. Respect a subs response to your request to play whether it is yes or no. Be gracious and courteous.

Negotiate: Inform the host(ess) of scenes that involve piercing, blood, wax etc. When playing with a new toy, negotiate. Find out enough about the subs likes and dislikes to avoid problems. Discuss safewords. This way the sub, you and the host(ess) won’t have any surprises (of the bad kind anyway).

During the scene: Play safe, sane and consensual. Pay attention to safewords. Focus. Protect your scene and your sub.

After the scene: If you did not negotiate how the sub could show appreciation to you after the scene – allow some form of appreciation from the sub if the sub seems to need it. Pick up your toys and clean up your play space.

What else? Don’t make a mess and expect someone else to clean it up (unless of course you have a sub to clean up after you!).

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